return from 524-day interval

it's been a very long time since i updated this thing. i would tell you that i don't know why i deserted it, but to be completely honest, i don't remember why i created it in the first place. honestly, i've always hated the idea of blogging: it's egotistical, pretentious, and downright pointless. the market for published literature has broken it's leg and the blog is the brace that keeps the body in motion, and i find that downright despicable. we've strayed so far from where we once were, and predicting the future of the written word - be it fiction or poetry, nonfiction or journalism - is both petrifying and impossible.

i haven't returned to this medium to reinvent myself or rejuvenate blogtography. the truth is, a lot has changed since i created this thing. the scenery has changed and the people i called friends have disappeared. 500 miles away from me lives a life that i have abandoned that felt realer and truer than anything i had ever experienced. if epiphanies exist and coming of age tales are possible, i lived it, breathed it, and tasted it.

now i’m in a new place, where skylines have replaced rows of birch and the homeless replaced the bulls. everything is beautiful, and as my memories from the seacoast of new hampshire fade a tiny bit with every passing day, i’m paranoid that i’ll lose these moments in the shore of this impending sea of adulthood and responsibility that looms around the corner of tomorrow.

i’m scared of every tomorrow, really. life, no matter how dull it should be, feels extraordinary. i worry that one day, i’ll wake up and have grown past every opportunity presented to me. what’ll be worse is, since times have changed and today’s photo albums have been replaced by flickr and photobucket, i will have nothing to remember myself for the person i used to be. even though times have changed, our memories still fade like the corners of a polaroid. i don’t want to forget today or tomorrow, since yesterday feels so remote and distant.

so, i’m back to create a visual journal that’ll hopefully still exist years from now, when my youth is faded and my skin is worn from nicotine addiction. i’ve changed the name and the links, because the idealistic narra i was 2 years ago is not the no-nonsense narra i am today. “here & now & today” comes from one of my favorite against me! songs. i think it fits with my current personality better than the bloc party song does.

maybe in twenty years, when i’m balder and grayer, i’ll plop a 5-year old with pigtails and brown eyebrows down in my lap and point at my youth on a computer screen. maybe she’ll be in awe at the places i’ve seen, or maybe she’ll laugh at the way i dressed. chances are i’ll sit there with my chest swelling and my eyes watering, and remember that everything is worth remembering.